-The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
-I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
-The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. – Mark Twain
-It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
-Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils … – Louis Hector Berlioz
-When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
-What you call dog with no legs?
-Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
-I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. – Henny Youngman
-The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do
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